Introduction: Letting Go of Liquid Courage
In my late twenties, my years of binge drinking, hangovers, and regrettable sex started to take a toll on my overall well-being and love life. I knew that, on some level, I’d have to stop to reevaluate my relationship with alcohol. While I could handle a dry month here and there, one question held me back from ditching the booze for good:
How will I date, let alone have sex, without liquid courage? Perhaps you, too, have relied on liquid courage to get through a first date or to ask your partner to try something new in bed. Dating, sex, and romance can be scary, and when we’re scared, a lot of us outsource our bravery to booze. If you’re reading this book, you’re probably thinking about drinking less, and like me, you’re worried about how you’ll handle the anxieties surrounding sex and dating. (I quit drinking altogether, because that’s what I needed, but you don’t need to commit to complete abstinence to change the way alcohol operates in your love life.)
For starters, you may never have seen a model for healthy, booze-free dating. When it comes to dating and falling in love, many of us learn the ins and outs from movies and TV. Those ins and outs often involve a drink. Tune in to nearly any show or movie to see alcohol depicted as a magical elixir that helps take the edge off whatever might be worrying the characters. The 2018 remake of the film A Star Is Born shows Lady Gaga’s character taking a shot of tequila before performing her vulnerable love song, “Always Remember Us This Way,” for the first time on stage. In the
Big Bang Theory TV series, Raj morphs from feeling shy around women into feeling overly confident after just one drink. Even Carrie Bradshaw from the iconic TV show
Sex and the City hypes herself up for an uncomfortable sex talk with her boyfriend with “two-for-the-price-of-one margaritas.” I couldn’t help but wonder: if Carrie Bradshaw—America’s go-to for sex positivity before that term even entered our lexicon—needs alcohol to talk about sex, how do regular people find the courage to engage in uncomfortable or scary dating moments?
Despite what society, Hollywood, and peer pressure might tell you (and what you may say to yourself), you don’t need margaritas to navigate the world of dating, sex, and romantic relationships. You just need to learn how to embrace your real, intrinsic courage, which you can access—with a little practice—without booze.
If you’ve seen Disney’s
Dumbo, remember when the crows give Dumbo (the adorable, floppy-eared elephant) a feather they say is magic, insisting that the feather would make him fly? He later discovered that he could fly all along—the feather wasn’t magic, it just gave him the confidence to access the powers he already had. Alcohol may have been a magic feather for you; it may have helped you muster the courage to talk to the cute person at the bar or given you the confidence to have a difficult conversation with a partner. But that’s not the same as saying you need it. Your desires and abilities were there all along; alcohol just made it easier (maybe sometimes too easy) to ignore your doubts, hesitations, or inhibitions.
Copyright © 2023 by Tawny Lara. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
