Close Modal

The Sex Lives of African Women

Self Discovery, Freedom, and Healing

Paperback
$18.00 US
6"W x 9"H x 0.87"D   | 12 oz | 20 per carton
On sale Feb 07, 2023 | 320 Pages | 9781662601989
Now in paperback and with journaling prompts, an Economist Best Book of the Year hailed as "Touching, joyful, defiant—and honest,” celebrating African women’s unique journeys toward sexual pleasure and liberation in this newly updated empowering, subversive collection of intimate stories.

"Dazzling... the tone is hopeful, resilient and accepting. Marked by the diversity of experiences shared, the wealth of intimate details, and the total lack of sensationalism, this is an astonishing report on the quest for sexual liberation."
—Publishers Weekly, Starred Review
 

In these confessional pages, women control their own bodies and desires, work toward healing their painful pasts, and learn to assert their sexual power. Weaving a rich tapestry of experiences with a sex positive outlook, The Sex Lives of African Women is an empowering, subversive book that celebrates the liberation, individuality, and joy of African women's multifaceted sexuality. 
 
From a queer community in Egypt, to polyamorous life in Senegal, and a reflection on the intersection of religion and pleasure in Cameroon, feminist author Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah explores the many layers of love and desire, its expression, and how it defines who we are.

Sekyiamah has spent decades talking openly and intimately to African women around the world about sex for her blog, “Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women.” For this book she spoke to over 30 African women across the globe while chronicling her own journey toward sexual freedom.
"Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah is changing the way African women talk about sex."
—Harper's BAZAAR

"I really haven't read anything like it, in its treatment of African women's lives, sex lives, and sexualities. It breaks silences, it challenges stereotypes, it dismisses taboos, it throws social norms out the window, and most importantly, it defends our complexity and it gives us shelter and room for healing."
—NoViolet Bulawayo, author of Glory

"Touching, joyful, defiant -- and honest." 
—The Economist, a Best Book of the Year

"Reading these stories is a reminder that the sexuality of African women is far from a monolith... a refreshing and emotional read." 
—The Continent

"The honesty and frankness with which these women share their experiences of falling in love, lust, and their traumas, too, is fascinating…It’s the kind of book that inspires you to reconsider your own romantic preconceptions and to imagine new, healthier dynamics."
—BuzzFeed News

“Its stories are raw, unencumbered, exhilarating and, at times, enraging”
—The Independent
 
"The stories, as written by Sekyiamah, are mesmerizing. The women shared with her, and by extension with us, with true generosity." 
—Glamour
 
"The Sex Lives of African Women by Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah is so important and groundbreaking in its treatment of African women’s sexualities it deserves to be consumed in every possible medium; a docuseries would be a great way to widen its reach." 
NoViolet Bulawayo, Elle.com

“An ambitious, moving account of women controlling their bodies and their destinies.”
—Kirkus Reviews

"Sekyiamah’s book seeks to provide the roadmap to recovery through a collection of shared experiences...readers will resonate with the honesty of these stories, and hopefully feel more courageous to live their truth each day."
—BUST

“Groundbreaking volume … The result is a candid, subversive and empowering read.”
—Ms. Magazine

"Dazzling ... the tone is hopeful, resilient, and accepting. Marked by the diversity of experiences shared, the wealth of intimate details, and the total lack of sensationalism, this is an astonishing report on the quest for sexual liberation."
—Publishers Weekly, starred review

"Overflowing with candor, vulnerability, and juiciness, this collection of raw, tender stories that Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah has so lovingly gathered will upend all of your assumptions and stereotypes. These mothers, activists, writers, sex workers, and others share painful truths, evolving glories, and journeys toward love and freedom, in their own words. They are trans, queer, heterosexual, kinky, and say, 'To hell with labels.' Facing down dangers and double standards, they are healing. The Sex Lives of African Women captures the breadth and depth of the Diaspora with the intimacy of looking in a mirror. Marvelous!” 
—Deesha Philyaw, author of The Secret Lives of Church Ladies

"The Sex Lives of African Women is a Pan-African feminist love offering to our ancestors, women living across the Diaspora and future generations to come. Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah delivers this love with honesty, levity and delicious prose. This book satiates my appetite for stories that take the interior lives of Black, African and Afro-descendant women seriously. It is simply unparalleled and right on time." 
—Charlene A. Carruthers, author of Unapologetic: A Black, Queer, and Feminist Mandate for Radical Movements

"In these emotionally charged and refreshingly honest essays, this collection gives literal shape to women's sexuality and desires. Nothing less than stunning. Essential read! I couldn't put it down." 
Nicole Dennis-Benn, bestselling author of Patsy and Here Comes the Sun

"This collection affirms what we’ve known all along: African women are reclaiming their bodies and taking ownership of their sexual destinies. Every single story leaves you feeling deliciously empowered."
—Lola Shoneyin, author of The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's Wives.

"These intimate confessions come from pansexual women, polyamorous women, queer women, trans women and those who identify as heterosexual. Some of their stories are heartbreaking, while others are liberating. Instead of having their stories told for them, they take the reins and find freedom in that, something that every woman deserves."
Del Sandeen, Sisters from AARP

"Talking about sex is still taboo in most cultures and communities and these personal stories reveal a mind-blowing variety of sexualities, sex lives and relationships."
Bernardine Evaristo, The Times UK

"Everyone will come away standing a little taller and breathing a little lighter, buoyed by the affirmation that we are all normal and that the marginal is central. The Sex Lives of African Women is a safe space: it is pure, unadulterated freedom." 
Jane Link, Big Black Books

"A book like none you will have read before... With sensitivity, this book has facilitated astonishing breaking of silences. ... Sekyiamah has delivered an extraordinarily dynamic work, true to her own precept that 'Freedom is a constant state of being … that we need to nurture and protect. Freedom is a safe home that one can return to over and over again.'”
—Margaret Busby, The Guardian

© Nyani Quarmyne
Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah is the author of The Sex Lives of African Women, which Publishers Weekly described as “an astonishing report on the quest for sexual liberation” in their starred review. It was also listed by The Economist as a best book of the year. She is also co-founder of Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women, a website, podcast and festival that publishes and creates content that tells stories of African women’s experiences around sex, sexualities, and pleasure. 

Nana is also a communications strategist who has over fifteen years experience of developing and delivering strategic communications programmes across media, public sector and non-governmental organisations. She has a deep understanding of digital technologies for feminist activism, and is widely recognised as a key African feminist working at the intersections of gender, sexualities and technologies. The impact of Nana Darkoa’s work has been documented by CNN in a film titled, Not Yet Satisfied. She was cited by the BBC in its list of 100 inspirational and influential women from around the world in 2022.

Nana holds a BSc (Hons) in Communications and Cultural Studies from the University of North London (now London Metropolitan University), and a MSc in Gender and Development from the London School of Economics and Political Science. She is also a trained performance coach, and leadership trainer. Nana lives in Accra, Ghana with her daughter Asantewaa, and her dog Romeo. View titles by Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah
PREFACE

FOR MORE THAN ten years, I shared my personal experiences of sex on “Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women,” a blog I cofounded with my friend Malaka Grant. I also facilitated conversations about women’s experiences of sex and pleasure in a variety of public settings, ranging from intimate living-room conversations in Mombasa, Kenya, to public events in Berlin, Germany. I have often spoken and written about the importance of owning one’s body, and my continuing journey in negotiating my own sexuality and desires both within and outside the bedroom. Speaking in public about a subject that is often deemed taboo—especially in the part of the world where I
originate, Ghana—is a political act. I think and write about sex in order to learn how to have better sex. I encourage other women to share their experiences of sex in order to build our collective consciousness around the politics of pleasure. This is critical in a world where women too often lack access to a truly comprehensive sex education.

Black, African, and Afro-descendant women are often told that sex should only be within particular constraints—between people of opposite genders, for instance—and within certain parameters. In some countries, theseparameters are marriage. In other countries the law prohibits some types of sexual acts, or tries to control the choices girls and women have when they experience an unwanted pregnancy.

In The Sex Lives of African Women, individual women from across the African continent and its global Diaspora speak to their experiences of sex, sexualities, and relationships. It was really important to me as a Pan-African feminist that a book about African women’s experiences of sex-centered continental Africans, and included the experiences of Africans who have been violently displaced by the legacies of slavery and colonization, as well as those who have voluntarily migrated to other parts of the world. For this reason I was especially pleased to interview women of African descent from places like Haiti, Barbados, and Costa Rica.

The stories in this book are based on in-depth interviews I conducted between 2015 and 2020, with women between the ages of twenty-one to seventy-one, from thirty-one countries across the globe. I made conscious efforts to interview women who came from a broad range of backgrounds:
across socioeconomic lines, women of faith and women who practice no particular religion, women for whom English was not their first language, and women representative of communities that have been historically marginalized in society. The biggest challenge for me personally was interviewing women
who were not native English speakers because in one instance it meant speaking through a translator, and it also meant that I ended up speaking primarily to women who were also fluent in English. I can see how my book would be even more rich in content if I had interviewed women in a variety of African languages, for instance. When I started working on this project, I focused on interviewing people face-to-face, a goal that was made possible by the privilege of my job, which allows me to travel across the globe. That changed with the COVID-19 pandemic, and I started to do more interviews via video. One particular woman and I ended up concluding our conversation via a series of voice notes because she lives in a country with poor internet connectivity that also experiences frequent power outages.

In my introduction to each story I describe each woman as she self-identified. This allows me to show the diversity of ways in which people see themselves, whether they identify as cis women, femmes, trans, heterosexual, or pansexual, for instance. I also share people’s ages and their country of origin
and residence in order to contextualize their experiences. A significant proportion of the women I interviewed represented more than one nation, and had their sexual encounters shaped by the various countries they had lived in and cultures they had experienced. After speaking to more than thirty women for this book, I started to see several common threads weaving through the threads that I also see reflected in my own life. My conclusion is very much this: we’re all on a journey towards sexual freedom and agency. In order to get there we need to heal. Healing looks dif­ferent for everybody. For some ofthe women in this book, healing came about through celibacy and spiritual growth. For others, healing came through taking back power as a dominatrix and sex worker. For some others, healing is still part of the journey they need to travel.

Many of the women I spoke to inspired me with the realities of how they live their best sexual lives. This included deeply personal stories: for example, about navigating freedom and polyamory in conservative Senegal, or resisting the erasure of lesbian identity and finding queer community in Egypt in the midst of a revolution. African women grapple with the trauma of sexual abuse, and resist religious and patriarchal edicts in order to assert their sexual power and agency. They do this by questioning and resisting societal norms while creating new norms and narratives that allow them to be who they truly are. The journey towards sexual freedom is not a linear one, or one that is fixed and static. Freedom is a state that we are constantly seeking to reach.
CONTENTS
 
Preface
 
PART 1: SELF- DISCOVERY
 
Nura
Nafi
Keisha
Bibi
Ebony
Elizabeth
Naisha
Chantale
Philester
Kuchenga
Estelle
Bingi
 
PART 2: FREEDOM
 
Fatou
Helen Banda
Alexis
Miss Deviant
Gabriela
Amina
Laura
Solange
Yami
 
PART 3: HEALING
 
Salma
Mariam Gebre
Shanita
Maureen
Esther
Baaba
Vera Cruz
Tafadzwa
Tsitsi
Waris
Nana Darkoa
 
A FINAL NOTE
 
GLOSSARY
 
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
 
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

About

Now in paperback and with journaling prompts, an Economist Best Book of the Year hailed as "Touching, joyful, defiant—and honest,” celebrating African women’s unique journeys toward sexual pleasure and liberation in this newly updated empowering, subversive collection of intimate stories.

"Dazzling... the tone is hopeful, resilient and accepting. Marked by the diversity of experiences shared, the wealth of intimate details, and the total lack of sensationalism, this is an astonishing report on the quest for sexual liberation."
—Publishers Weekly, Starred Review
 

In these confessional pages, women control their own bodies and desires, work toward healing their painful pasts, and learn to assert their sexual power. Weaving a rich tapestry of experiences with a sex positive outlook, The Sex Lives of African Women is an empowering, subversive book that celebrates the liberation, individuality, and joy of African women's multifaceted sexuality. 
 
From a queer community in Egypt, to polyamorous life in Senegal, and a reflection on the intersection of religion and pleasure in Cameroon, feminist author Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah explores the many layers of love and desire, its expression, and how it defines who we are.

Sekyiamah has spent decades talking openly and intimately to African women around the world about sex for her blog, “Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women.” For this book she spoke to over 30 African women across the globe while chronicling her own journey toward sexual freedom.

Praise

"Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah is changing the way African women talk about sex."
—Harper's BAZAAR

"I really haven't read anything like it, in its treatment of African women's lives, sex lives, and sexualities. It breaks silences, it challenges stereotypes, it dismisses taboos, it throws social norms out the window, and most importantly, it defends our complexity and it gives us shelter and room for healing."
—NoViolet Bulawayo, author of Glory

"Touching, joyful, defiant -- and honest." 
—The Economist, a Best Book of the Year

"Reading these stories is a reminder that the sexuality of African women is far from a monolith... a refreshing and emotional read." 
—The Continent

"The honesty and frankness with which these women share their experiences of falling in love, lust, and their traumas, too, is fascinating…It’s the kind of book that inspires you to reconsider your own romantic preconceptions and to imagine new, healthier dynamics."
—BuzzFeed News

“Its stories are raw, unencumbered, exhilarating and, at times, enraging”
—The Independent
 
"The stories, as written by Sekyiamah, are mesmerizing. The women shared with her, and by extension with us, with true generosity." 
—Glamour
 
"The Sex Lives of African Women by Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah is so important and groundbreaking in its treatment of African women’s sexualities it deserves to be consumed in every possible medium; a docuseries would be a great way to widen its reach." 
NoViolet Bulawayo, Elle.com

“An ambitious, moving account of women controlling their bodies and their destinies.”
—Kirkus Reviews

"Sekyiamah’s book seeks to provide the roadmap to recovery through a collection of shared experiences...readers will resonate with the honesty of these stories, and hopefully feel more courageous to live their truth each day."
—BUST

“Groundbreaking volume … The result is a candid, subversive and empowering read.”
—Ms. Magazine

"Dazzling ... the tone is hopeful, resilient, and accepting. Marked by the diversity of experiences shared, the wealth of intimate details, and the total lack of sensationalism, this is an astonishing report on the quest for sexual liberation."
—Publishers Weekly, starred review

"Overflowing with candor, vulnerability, and juiciness, this collection of raw, tender stories that Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah has so lovingly gathered will upend all of your assumptions and stereotypes. These mothers, activists, writers, sex workers, and others share painful truths, evolving glories, and journeys toward love and freedom, in their own words. They are trans, queer, heterosexual, kinky, and say, 'To hell with labels.' Facing down dangers and double standards, they are healing. The Sex Lives of African Women captures the breadth and depth of the Diaspora with the intimacy of looking in a mirror. Marvelous!” 
—Deesha Philyaw, author of The Secret Lives of Church Ladies

"The Sex Lives of African Women is a Pan-African feminist love offering to our ancestors, women living across the Diaspora and future generations to come. Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah delivers this love with honesty, levity and delicious prose. This book satiates my appetite for stories that take the interior lives of Black, African and Afro-descendant women seriously. It is simply unparalleled and right on time." 
—Charlene A. Carruthers, author of Unapologetic: A Black, Queer, and Feminist Mandate for Radical Movements

"In these emotionally charged and refreshingly honest essays, this collection gives literal shape to women's sexuality and desires. Nothing less than stunning. Essential read! I couldn't put it down." 
Nicole Dennis-Benn, bestselling author of Patsy and Here Comes the Sun

"This collection affirms what we’ve known all along: African women are reclaiming their bodies and taking ownership of their sexual destinies. Every single story leaves you feeling deliciously empowered."
—Lola Shoneyin, author of The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's Wives.

"These intimate confessions come from pansexual women, polyamorous women, queer women, trans women and those who identify as heterosexual. Some of their stories are heartbreaking, while others are liberating. Instead of having their stories told for them, they take the reins and find freedom in that, something that every woman deserves."
Del Sandeen, Sisters from AARP

"Talking about sex is still taboo in most cultures and communities and these personal stories reveal a mind-blowing variety of sexualities, sex lives and relationships."
Bernardine Evaristo, The Times UK

"Everyone will come away standing a little taller and breathing a little lighter, buoyed by the affirmation that we are all normal and that the marginal is central. The Sex Lives of African Women is a safe space: it is pure, unadulterated freedom." 
Jane Link, Big Black Books

"A book like none you will have read before... With sensitivity, this book has facilitated astonishing breaking of silences. ... Sekyiamah has delivered an extraordinarily dynamic work, true to her own precept that 'Freedom is a constant state of being … that we need to nurture and protect. Freedom is a safe home that one can return to over and over again.'”
—Margaret Busby, The Guardian

Author

© Nyani Quarmyne
Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah is the author of The Sex Lives of African Women, which Publishers Weekly described as “an astonishing report on the quest for sexual liberation” in their starred review. It was also listed by The Economist as a best book of the year. She is also co-founder of Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women, a website, podcast and festival that publishes and creates content that tells stories of African women’s experiences around sex, sexualities, and pleasure. 

Nana is also a communications strategist who has over fifteen years experience of developing and delivering strategic communications programmes across media, public sector and non-governmental organisations. She has a deep understanding of digital technologies for feminist activism, and is widely recognised as a key African feminist working at the intersections of gender, sexualities and technologies. The impact of Nana Darkoa’s work has been documented by CNN in a film titled, Not Yet Satisfied. She was cited by the BBC in its list of 100 inspirational and influential women from around the world in 2022.

Nana holds a BSc (Hons) in Communications and Cultural Studies from the University of North London (now London Metropolitan University), and a MSc in Gender and Development from the London School of Economics and Political Science. She is also a trained performance coach, and leadership trainer. Nana lives in Accra, Ghana with her daughter Asantewaa, and her dog Romeo. View titles by Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah

Excerpt

PREFACE

FOR MORE THAN ten years, I shared my personal experiences of sex on “Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women,” a blog I cofounded with my friend Malaka Grant. I also facilitated conversations about women’s experiences of sex and pleasure in a variety of public settings, ranging from intimate living-room conversations in Mombasa, Kenya, to public events in Berlin, Germany. I have often spoken and written about the importance of owning one’s body, and my continuing journey in negotiating my own sexuality and desires both within and outside the bedroom. Speaking in public about a subject that is often deemed taboo—especially in the part of the world where I
originate, Ghana—is a political act. I think and write about sex in order to learn how to have better sex. I encourage other women to share their experiences of sex in order to build our collective consciousness around the politics of pleasure. This is critical in a world where women too often lack access to a truly comprehensive sex education.

Black, African, and Afro-descendant women are often told that sex should only be within particular constraints—between people of opposite genders, for instance—and within certain parameters. In some countries, theseparameters are marriage. In other countries the law prohibits some types of sexual acts, or tries to control the choices girls and women have when they experience an unwanted pregnancy.

In The Sex Lives of African Women, individual women from across the African continent and its global Diaspora speak to their experiences of sex, sexualities, and relationships. It was really important to me as a Pan-African feminist that a book about African women’s experiences of sex-centered continental Africans, and included the experiences of Africans who have been violently displaced by the legacies of slavery and colonization, as well as those who have voluntarily migrated to other parts of the world. For this reason I was especially pleased to interview women of African descent from places like Haiti, Barbados, and Costa Rica.

The stories in this book are based on in-depth interviews I conducted between 2015 and 2020, with women between the ages of twenty-one to seventy-one, from thirty-one countries across the globe. I made conscious efforts to interview women who came from a broad range of backgrounds:
across socioeconomic lines, women of faith and women who practice no particular religion, women for whom English was not their first language, and women representative of communities that have been historically marginalized in society. The biggest challenge for me personally was interviewing women
who were not native English speakers because in one instance it meant speaking through a translator, and it also meant that I ended up speaking primarily to women who were also fluent in English. I can see how my book would be even more rich in content if I had interviewed women in a variety of African languages, for instance. When I started working on this project, I focused on interviewing people face-to-face, a goal that was made possible by the privilege of my job, which allows me to travel across the globe. That changed with the COVID-19 pandemic, and I started to do more interviews via video. One particular woman and I ended up concluding our conversation via a series of voice notes because she lives in a country with poor internet connectivity that also experiences frequent power outages.

In my introduction to each story I describe each woman as she self-identified. This allows me to show the diversity of ways in which people see themselves, whether they identify as cis women, femmes, trans, heterosexual, or pansexual, for instance. I also share people’s ages and their country of origin
and residence in order to contextualize their experiences. A significant proportion of the women I interviewed represented more than one nation, and had their sexual encounters shaped by the various countries they had lived in and cultures they had experienced. After speaking to more than thirty women for this book, I started to see several common threads weaving through the threads that I also see reflected in my own life. My conclusion is very much this: we’re all on a journey towards sexual freedom and agency. In order to get there we need to heal. Healing looks dif­ferent for everybody. For some ofthe women in this book, healing came about through celibacy and spiritual growth. For others, healing came through taking back power as a dominatrix and sex worker. For some others, healing is still part of the journey they need to travel.

Many of the women I spoke to inspired me with the realities of how they live their best sexual lives. This included deeply personal stories: for example, about navigating freedom and polyamory in conservative Senegal, or resisting the erasure of lesbian identity and finding queer community in Egypt in the midst of a revolution. African women grapple with the trauma of sexual abuse, and resist religious and patriarchal edicts in order to assert their sexual power and agency. They do this by questioning and resisting societal norms while creating new norms and narratives that allow them to be who they truly are. The journey towards sexual freedom is not a linear one, or one that is fixed and static. Freedom is a state that we are constantly seeking to reach.

Table of Contents

CONTENTS
 
Preface
 
PART 1: SELF- DISCOVERY
 
Nura
Nafi
Keisha
Bibi
Ebony
Elizabeth
Naisha
Chantale
Philester
Kuchenga
Estelle
Bingi
 
PART 2: FREEDOM
 
Fatou
Helen Banda
Alexis
Miss Deviant
Gabriela
Amina
Laura
Solange
Yami
 
PART 3: HEALING
 
Salma
Mariam Gebre
Shanita
Maureen
Esther
Baaba
Vera Cruz
Tafadzwa
Tsitsi
Waris
Nana Darkoa
 
A FINAL NOTE
 
GLOSSARY
 
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
 
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Add a Little *Spice*

The age of sexual shame is over. Fostering a great relationship with your partner(s) and with yourself demands a healthy dose of sex and body positivity. No matter your gender or sexuality, there’s a book on our list for everything from spicing up the bedroom to appreciating the aesthetics of fetish-wear to beefing up your

Read more