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How Children Grieve

What Adults Miss, and What They Can Do To Help: A Guide for Parents, Teachers, Therapists, and Caregivers to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, and Moving

Understand how children process grief at every age and stage of development in this accessible guide for parents and caretakers.

An award-winning childhood grief expert shares clinically-informed advice for supporting kids and teens through difficult times—from family deaths and lost pets to unexpected moves, and beyond.


A necessary and impactful guide to understanding children's grief from the inside and to guiding children through loss, from the death of a parent and other family members, to the loss of friends, pets, and even the family home. Dr. Masur, an award-winning clinical psychologist specializing in grief and mourning, describes how to understand, help, and guide children at each age and stage of development and uses her own childhood experience with loss through empathetic yet clinically informed advice.

When Dr. Masur was fourteen years old, her father died. Like most children and teens facing loss, Masur didn’t know how to handle her grief, and she was never encouraged to acknowledge or share what she was feeling with her family, teachers, or friends. Her experience of shock and emotional paralysis around her loss is what led her to become an expert in childhood grief in order to help grieving children and to help others to support the children in their lives who have experienced loss. 

As a psychologist and child psychoanalyst, Dr. Masur has helped many children recognize and express their feelings after loss. In How Children Grieve, Masur shares her expertise with caregivers of all kinds, giving them the tools they need to help a child or teenager mourn, move forward, and make meaning of terrible loss.
Praise for How Children Grieve:
“A wise, thoughtful and practical guide to children's grief.”
―George Bonanno, Ph.D., author of The Other Side of Sadness

“I would recommend How Children Grieve to any friend with children who are grieving . . . because the hardest thing is knowing what children cannot name, cannot express. Through Masur’s years of experience as a therapist, her knowledge of bereavement science, and her beautiful writing about her own childhood loss, she gives us insight into what gets missed and how to find out what your child’s grief is really like.”
―Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, author of The Grieving Brain

“A thoughtful and comprehensive guide for any adult who takes care of and/or works with a young person who has had a loved one die . . . This book is essential reading for anyone who wants to understand what this process looks like at different developmental stages as well as practical and helpful ways to allow for the expression and treatment of those feelings.”
―Mia Roldan, LCSW, LCDC, author of Navigating Grief: A Guided Journal and How I Feel: Grief Journal for Kids

“Corinne Masur writes beautifully for parents and guardians about the danger of unexpressed grief in children and youth . . . She deftly merges scholarly information with her own experience and wisdom. How Children Grieve is a must for anyone who cares for children or teens who need help in expressing their grief after a loss.”
―Dr. Pauline Boss, author of Ambiguous Loss and The Myth of Closure

“A wonderful book about grief, mourning, and losses of various kinds in children of all ages. Dr. Masur writes in a tone that is respectful, jargon-free, and accessible for parents, extended family members, teachers, mental health practitioners, medical professionals, and others who work with or are friends of children and their families. This is a well referenced guide which is both absorbing to read and helpful in finding words to talk with parents and children who have experienced deep or violent losses.”
―Barbara Shapiro, MD, clinical associate professor of pediatrics in psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine and Child and Adult Psychoanalyst

“Using a developmental lens, a knowledge base regarding grief and mourning, and the wisdom of a masterful clinician, Dr. Masur offers ways and means that adults can lean into curiosity, deep listening and observing to make room for the internal world and meaning-making of the child and adolescent navigating loss. Written to inform caregivers, this book is also of value to health and mental health professionals supporting bereaved children and their families.”
―Susan K. Schultz, PhD, Child and Parent Psychotherapist

“This guide is an invaluable practical resource for anyone seeking to understand and support a grieving child, offering expert guidance built on four decades of clinical experience. Looking back at my own experience of losing my mother at the age of eight, I wish the adults around me had access to such insightful support. Masur is wise, compassionate, and authoritative; I can think of no one better equipped to help us understand what children need to survive and thrive after losing a loved one.”
―Jane O’Rourke, Child, Adolescent and Family Psychotherapist and Founder of MINDinMIND
Dr. Corinne Masur is a clinical psychologist, a child and adult Supervising Psychoanalyst and an Adult Personal Analyst at The Psychoanalytic Center of Philadelphia (PCOP) and is on the faculty there as well as at the Institute for Relational Psychoanalysis of Philadelphia. She worked with children of all ages for forty-five years, and now works with parents, teenagers and adults, supervises other clinicians, teaches, and runs parenting groups. Dr. Masur is the author of Flirting With Death: Psychoanalysts Consider Mortality; Finding the Piggle: Reconsidering D.W. Winnicott's Most Famous Child Case; When a Child Grieves, a book on grief in childhood for a professional audience; and the parenting blog Thoughtful Parenting. She is a sought after speaker and interviewee.


www.thoughtfulparenting.org
Preface
Introduction: What Adults Miss

Part 1: Loss and Grief from Infancy to Adolescence

Chapter 1: What Are Grief and Mourning, and How Do They Affect Children?
Chapter 2: Grief at Different Ages and Stages
Chapter 3: The Loss of a Loved One
The Loss of a Parent
The Loss of a Sibling
The Loss of a Grandparent
The Loss of a Friend or Pet
Chapter 4: Different Manners of Loss
Loss Due to Divorce
Loss Due to Illness
Loss Due to Violence
Loss Due to War
Loss Due to Suicide
Chapter 5: Ambiguous Loss

Part 2: Helping the Grieving Child

Chapter 6: Understanding Your Own Grief
Chapter 7: How to Help a Grieving Child
Chapter 8: How to Help Children with Specific Types of Loss
Chapter 9: Professional Treatment Options
Chapter 10: Monitoring the Mourning Process
Chapter 11: Long-Term Support

Conclusion
Resources: Books, Podcasts, Websites, and More
How to Help Grieving Children Checklist
Acknowledgments
Notes
Bibliography
Index

About

Understand how children process grief at every age and stage of development in this accessible guide for parents and caretakers.

An award-winning childhood grief expert shares clinically-informed advice for supporting kids and teens through difficult times—from family deaths and lost pets to unexpected moves, and beyond.


A necessary and impactful guide to understanding children's grief from the inside and to guiding children through loss, from the death of a parent and other family members, to the loss of friends, pets, and even the family home. Dr. Masur, an award-winning clinical psychologist specializing in grief and mourning, describes how to understand, help, and guide children at each age and stage of development and uses her own childhood experience with loss through empathetic yet clinically informed advice.

When Dr. Masur was fourteen years old, her father died. Like most children and teens facing loss, Masur didn’t know how to handle her grief, and she was never encouraged to acknowledge or share what she was feeling with her family, teachers, or friends. Her experience of shock and emotional paralysis around her loss is what led her to become an expert in childhood grief in order to help grieving children and to help others to support the children in their lives who have experienced loss. 

As a psychologist and child psychoanalyst, Dr. Masur has helped many children recognize and express their feelings after loss. In How Children Grieve, Masur shares her expertise with caregivers of all kinds, giving them the tools they need to help a child or teenager mourn, move forward, and make meaning of terrible loss.

Praise

Praise for How Children Grieve:
“A wise, thoughtful and practical guide to children's grief.”
―George Bonanno, Ph.D., author of The Other Side of Sadness

“I would recommend How Children Grieve to any friend with children who are grieving . . . because the hardest thing is knowing what children cannot name, cannot express. Through Masur’s years of experience as a therapist, her knowledge of bereavement science, and her beautiful writing about her own childhood loss, she gives us insight into what gets missed and how to find out what your child’s grief is really like.”
―Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, author of The Grieving Brain

“A thoughtful and comprehensive guide for any adult who takes care of and/or works with a young person who has had a loved one die . . . This book is essential reading for anyone who wants to understand what this process looks like at different developmental stages as well as practical and helpful ways to allow for the expression and treatment of those feelings.”
―Mia Roldan, LCSW, LCDC, author of Navigating Grief: A Guided Journal and How I Feel: Grief Journal for Kids

“Corinne Masur writes beautifully for parents and guardians about the danger of unexpressed grief in children and youth . . . She deftly merges scholarly information with her own experience and wisdom. How Children Grieve is a must for anyone who cares for children or teens who need help in expressing their grief after a loss.”
―Dr. Pauline Boss, author of Ambiguous Loss and The Myth of Closure

“A wonderful book about grief, mourning, and losses of various kinds in children of all ages. Dr. Masur writes in a tone that is respectful, jargon-free, and accessible for parents, extended family members, teachers, mental health practitioners, medical professionals, and others who work with or are friends of children and their families. This is a well referenced guide which is both absorbing to read and helpful in finding words to talk with parents and children who have experienced deep or violent losses.”
―Barbara Shapiro, MD, clinical associate professor of pediatrics in psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine and Child and Adult Psychoanalyst

“Using a developmental lens, a knowledge base regarding grief and mourning, and the wisdom of a masterful clinician, Dr. Masur offers ways and means that adults can lean into curiosity, deep listening and observing to make room for the internal world and meaning-making of the child and adolescent navigating loss. Written to inform caregivers, this book is also of value to health and mental health professionals supporting bereaved children and their families.”
―Susan K. Schultz, PhD, Child and Parent Psychotherapist

“This guide is an invaluable practical resource for anyone seeking to understand and support a grieving child, offering expert guidance built on four decades of clinical experience. Looking back at my own experience of losing my mother at the age of eight, I wish the adults around me had access to such insightful support. Masur is wise, compassionate, and authoritative; I can think of no one better equipped to help us understand what children need to survive and thrive after losing a loved one.”
―Jane O’Rourke, Child, Adolescent and Family Psychotherapist and Founder of MINDinMIND

Author

Dr. Corinne Masur is a clinical psychologist, a child and adult Supervising Psychoanalyst and an Adult Personal Analyst at The Psychoanalytic Center of Philadelphia (PCOP) and is on the faculty there as well as at the Institute for Relational Psychoanalysis of Philadelphia. She worked with children of all ages for forty-five years, and now works with parents, teenagers and adults, supervises other clinicians, teaches, and runs parenting groups. Dr. Masur is the author of Flirting With Death: Psychoanalysts Consider Mortality; Finding the Piggle: Reconsidering D.W. Winnicott's Most Famous Child Case; When a Child Grieves, a book on grief in childhood for a professional audience; and the parenting blog Thoughtful Parenting. She is a sought after speaker and interviewee.


www.thoughtfulparenting.org

Table of Contents

Preface
Introduction: What Adults Miss

Part 1: Loss and Grief from Infancy to Adolescence

Chapter 1: What Are Grief and Mourning, and How Do They Affect Children?
Chapter 2: Grief at Different Ages and Stages
Chapter 3: The Loss of a Loved One
The Loss of a Parent
The Loss of a Sibling
The Loss of a Grandparent
The Loss of a Friend or Pet
Chapter 4: Different Manners of Loss
Loss Due to Divorce
Loss Due to Illness
Loss Due to Violence
Loss Due to War
Loss Due to Suicide
Chapter 5: Ambiguous Loss

Part 2: Helping the Grieving Child

Chapter 6: Understanding Your Own Grief
Chapter 7: How to Help a Grieving Child
Chapter 8: How to Help Children with Specific Types of Loss
Chapter 9: Professional Treatment Options
Chapter 10: Monitoring the Mourning Process
Chapter 11: Long-Term Support

Conclusion
Resources: Books, Podcasts, Websites, and More
How to Help Grieving Children Checklist
Acknowledgments
Notes
Bibliography
Index