The Moon Is a Mother, Too

PRE-CONCEPTION

A common practice throughout the Caribbean is to go out and bathe in the first rain of May. Some will collect it and bottle it up for later use in spiritual baths. It's believed to hold fertile energy, good luck, and cleansing and healing properties. It isn't uncommon to see people collecting the water or bathing in the rain as it pours down. While this isn't a practice exclusive to the Caribbean, the connection is important for the story I'm going to share.

Many years ago, I had a dream about a friend of mine. In this dream, I saw her dancing in the rain, her face filled with joy and excitement. Then I saw her pregnant in her mother's living room, surrounded by flowers and the people she loved most, with a soft green light washing over her. When I woke up, I immediately called to tell her about it, as I believe that pregnancy dreams are never to be dismissed. She laughed and brushed it off, because while she knew what I see in my dreams tends to come to fruition (as with many dreams), especially regarding new life and death, a baby was not on her to-do list. I reminded her, "I'm only the messenger and you can do with this information what you choose, but be mindful."

A little while later, she shared a video on social media of her dancing in the rain. It happened to be the first rain of May in the Dominican Republic, where she was visiting. I wrote her jokingly that I'd be starting my preparations for the baby shower. We both had a good laugh, and she mentioned that her family members had told her about women bathing in the first rain of May in hopes of becoming pregnant. I told her, "Listen, either a baby is on the way or you'll be birthing a new project"-though I knew in my gut which it would be.

A month or so went by, and she called me and said, "I have to start listening to you, because why am I pregnant now?" It wasn't planned, it just came to be. And yes, she had her baby shower in her mother's apartment. As I look back, I still can't help but laugh. That baby was determined to let her know it was coming into this world one way or another. Sometimes pregnancy requires planning and effort, sometimes it doesn't.

NOT EVERY SEED WE SOW WILL GROW

When trying to conceive, we can get so caught up in the timelines of others. We see friends, family, even people we barely know who seem to get pregnant without trying. It seems to just happen for them, while it can feel like it is taking forever or is impossible for us.

Our timelines always differ from everyone else's, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. The act of releasing expectations, surrendering to the process, is easier said than done-especially while still making an effort to be intentional about conception. How do we find our rhythm? How do we flow with this process? There is no one-size-fits-all solution, and that can be the hardest thing to accept. It is the first step, though, of how our children come to be. In another way, it's a lesson in parenting: things don't always go as planned and we aren't the only person in this. A child is their own person, with their own plans, which is something we have to both respect and work with. Like when they learn to walk, we can provide guidance, support, and someone to catch them should they stumble-but they have to take the steps on their own.

We often hear parents say, "You were just a twinkle in my eye," when telling their children about how they came to be. Before they are conceived in the physical plane, children are realized in our minds and in the spiritual realm. Even the thought of wanting to conceive can sometimes plant that seed in the universe. For some, this takes a long time to become anything; for others, it grows into the opportunity to adopt, or it may eventually grow into a wanted pregnancy (this includes surrogate pregnancies as well).

We plant the seed, but ultimately many factors come into play. We're not the only party involved, and all paths to parenthood are unique-which makes sense, because our life paths are one of a kind, and so are those of our children. None of this makes for a 1 + 1 = 2 situation. This is frustrating (it would be so helpful if there were a fail-proof formula!), but the first step is understanding that your experience won't look like anyone else's, so there's no point in comparing-especially since we don't know what others have gone through to get here. These differences shape us into the type of parent we'll be. Your journey here didn't look like everyone else's, so why would your time raising children look like everyone else's?

The way forward is not linear, and this can be hard to embrace. Sometimes our most careful plans miss the whole picture or don't account for other factors. This is where spirit can come in and transform our expectations. The spirit of the child may have certain things they agreed to before coming here. Shifts in how they come into this world may need to occur. Surrendering to that is part of the process, but it is far from easy to do.

While my child's father and I were trying to conceive, it seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant like it was nothing. It was so hard for me to experience joy for my friends while sitting with the grief I experienced each time I got my period. There were baby showers I attended with a heavy heart and a fake smile on my face. There were baby showers I didn't attend at all. I didn't want to take away from anyone's joy at such a special time. Some people are able to think to themselves, It's happening to those around me; soon it'll be me. I couldn't get myself into that perspective, although I did try. What helped me most was being real with myself, setting boundaries, connecting with nature, and practicing self-kindness during the waves of feelings-and we'll get into how to do all of that. Being real about how I felt was important because fronting like I had faith when it felt like the most difficult task wasn't going to do anything for me. It wasn't going to change my circumstances or make me feel better while I waited. I'd only be masking my true emotions. Eventually all masks have to come off, so it's better to never put one on.

WORKING WITH MOON CYCLES

Throughout this emotional roller coaster, the moon was one of my greatest allies for retreating, releasing, building backup, and riding the changes in the tides of my emotions. In the times I felt most full, it illuminated what I was praying for, and it was my guiding source in the times I felt deep uncertainty. If you find yourself having difficulty at any stage of the conception process, consider looking to the moon for support. You can even just talk to her.

Working with the moon is powerful, especially in regard to conception. The moon possesses a special feminine energy, one that can manipulate the tides and influence our menstrual cycles. The end of our cycle each month is the shedding of the lining that was built to keep a baby inside and safe, which your body releases if there is no baby. The moon helps pull that down. It's only right that it would help in the process of a seed being planted, holding tight instead of shedding the lining.

After all, the moon is a mother, too.

The new moon is a time for setting intentions and new beginnings. Here is a simple ritual you can do to work with this phase of the moon.

New Moon, New Intentions

Florida water*

A white beeswax taper candle

Handful of dried patchouli leaf

Handful of dried rose

Handful of dried raspberry leaf

A heat-safe dish

A pen and paper

*Florida water is a spiritual cologne that can be found in botanicas,
metaphysical stores, Latine groceries, and bodegas. Some practitioners make their own Florida water that can be purchased through them as well.

1. First, cleanse your space using your preferred method, whether that's an energetic room spray, or smoke from burning dried herbs or resin incense on a charcoal tablet. Move about the room, getting in the corners especially, and pass the smoke over yourself and the area you'll be working in. If using a spray, spray throughout the room, over yourself and your work area (see page 97 for my favorite sprays). Open the windows so there is a way for the energy you're cleansing from yourself and the space to make its exit. Call upon your honorable guides and ancestors. Thank them for their presence and protection. Ask that they shield you and assist you in this working. Cleanse the candle with some Florida water to remove any energies that it came in contact with previously. Next, sprinkle each of the herbs on the heat-safe dish. Mix them together. Gently roll the candle in the herbs. Form the leftover herbs into a circle on the dish, leaving room in the middle for the candle.

2. Write down on the paper the intentions that you are setting. For example, you could set the intention of calling in fertile energies, calling in the ability to embody the essence of fertility, or simply becoming pregnant. Honor what is in your heart and feels best. As you hold the candle, channel your energy into it. Charge it with your energy and intentions. Speak them as you see the energy flowing from you into the candle. When you feel this is complete, set the paper under the heat-safe dish and melt some of the wax underneath the candle to help it stick to the dish. Next, light the candle while speaking your intentions. You can follow this up with prayer, or if you don't feel comfortable with prayer, focus on visualization. Visualize yourself as already being pregnant, giving birth, playing with your future child. Visualize it all as if it has come to be. Do this until the candle burns down. Thank your ancestors and guides for their assistance. Dispose of the remnants of your candle work. Keep the paper in a safe place until your intentions come to be. You can either keep this in a memories box or bury it in your yard-space (keeping it close to home).

Working with Saint Anne for Fertility Support

Saint Anne is Mother Mary's mother and is the patron saint of a few things, including motherhood, pregnancy, and fertility. She is relatively simple to work with and only requires a few things.

White altar cloth

Florida water

1 Saint Anne seven-day candle

Saint Anne oil

1 glass of fresh water

Sweets of your choosing (candy or pastries)

White flowers of your choosing

Cleanse your space and prepare it with the altar cloth. Then cleanse the seven-day candle by running it under cool water and then rinsing it with the Florida water. Trim the wick just a bit. Place a few drops of the oil onto the top of the candle (on the wax). Place the candle and glass of fresh water on the surface, along with the white flowers and sweets. Light the candle and then center yourself. Recite the prayer on the candle. If there is no prayer on the candle, either say a prayer from the heart or purchase a prayer card so you can easily continue to pray to Saint Anne on a daily basis. Include your petition of asking to become pregnant, to grow your family, and to be blessed with the opportunity to have a child. Let the candle burn all the way down. Do not blow it out. If you must, snuff it out and relight the following day at the same time. Recite the prayer when you relight it. Pray each day that the candle is lit until the candle has burned down. Additionally, you can repeat this ritual throughout your pregnancy to ask her for protection and a safe, smooth delivery.

CALLING IN AND COMMUNICATING WITH THE BABY'S SPIRIT

Calling in and communicating with the baby's spirit is an important part of connecting with your baby before their arrival. Take time out of each day to center yourself and speak directly to your baby's spirit. If you already have a name in mind, you can use that, or you can use a phrase, such as "baby of mine," if that is better suited. Tell them all the things you want to share with them. That could be how excited you are or what you're looking forward to doing with them. I shared with my baby how much I already loved them, how excited I was at the thought of being their mommy. I shared my hopes and dreams for them, which consisted of their experiencing joy, love of all kinds, and the ability to make their dreams a reality. I spoke of my commitment to protecting, loving, nurturing, and enjoying life with them. Calling in the baby's spirit is like illuminating a lighthouse in the night. It can guide them to you. While some ships find their way even in pitch-darkness, it doesn't hurt to shine a beacon their way.

HERBAL SUGGESTIONS FOR YOUR JOURNEY

Herbs are what I consider to be members of our earthly family. Like family members, herbs can be wonderfully supportive allies throughout our lives. It is important to note that while there are many different forms of herbalism, one common philosophy is that herbalism is not a one-size-fits-all practice. The herbal suggestions shared throughout this book are suggestions for a reason. They are a nudge in the direction of connection, or reconnection, with our herbal family members. Consider consulting an herbalist or homeopathic doctor for protocols using these herbal suggestions.

Herbal Suggestions

Red raspberry leaf infusion: Tones the uterus and prepares the womb space for pregnancy and labor. Fill a small tea ball with dried red raspberry leaf and place in a mug. Boil 8 ounces of water and pour over. Allow to steep for 3 minutes. Sweeten with honey to your liking.

Maca: Helpful in balancing hormones and energy levels. This is to be consumed by capsule or powder. Consult an herbalist for your specific dose.

Rose tea infusion: A heart tonic for when you need extra self-love and care. Fill a small tea ball with dried rose and place in a mug. Boil 8 ounces of water and pour over. Allow to steep for 3 minutes. Sweeten with honey to your liking.

Rue: Rue can be a powerful ally in cleansing your womb to support a future pregnancy, but preparations and doses vary from person to person, so consult an herbalist before introducing it into the mix. This is not to be consumed if you may be pregnant, to avoid miscarriage.