Unladylike

Get Unladylike

Regardless of who we are, what we look like, and how many advantages life has dropped in our laps, none of us is immune to patriarchy’s ladylike claptrap. Guys get entitlement, gals get objectified, and nonbinary folks get dehumanized and worse. Like a broken record, women are still incentivized to be sexy (but not slutty), beauty-conscious (but not vain), motherly (but not smothering), and presidential (but not mannish). If we don’t care to dare those tightropes? How selfish. So shrill. Just sad. Regardless of whether men are literally in charge, we all can internalize sexist preferences and put-downs like a contact high—or low. 

Once you spot sexist species, summon patience. It might take more time, headspace, and digging to figure out where it came from and why it won’t just die already. That’s why this guide exists! The only women patriarchy fears more than unladylike women are persistent unladylike women. We’re flies in the ointment, harpies at the frat house, and pussies grabbing back. Likeability, attractiveness, and class aren’t our currencies, but we’re far from bankrupt. So long as we’re gutsy enough to get loud, loose, and livid, unladylike witches do what it takes to smash the patriarchy that stands in our way.

At its core, this is a field guide to the patriarchal creepy crawlies that stand between you and the autonomous, safe, compassionate person you were put on this planet to be. To be clear, this isn’t about magical makeovers (though we love a good makeover montage). Our unladylike feminism in action applies to  all major facets of our lives: brains, bodies, besties, wardrobes, work goals, wife roles, hookups, and f*ckups. No space is exempt, or topic taboo. 

We’ll reveal modern patriarchy’s many disguises and what to do when its influencing, privileging, and profiteering slithers into your home, school, work, and even your mirror. You’ll pick up some practical feminist life hacks as well as tips for detoxing from the sexist myths, mindsets, and stereotypes culture constantly force-feeds us. Exactly what that means will be different for everyone. Maybe you’ll smash a stiletto through glass ceilings, cure Silicon Valley sexism, or volunteer for a rape crisis hotline—who knows? By the time we’ve arrived on the last page, we’ll have mapped out a ready-to-go battle plan for finding your tribe, rising up, and pushing back together.

That includes us, your authors, Cristen and Caroline. We’ve likewise found ourselves in all sorts of anxious quicksand, booby traps, and oops-I-did-it-again mudslides. We’ve been bad feminists, catty coworkers, and crazy ex-girlfriends. It happens. We also understand firsthand how easy it is to feel decidedly unexceptional, unworthy, and unhopeful about our potential to make the inside-out change we want to see in ourselves the environments around us. That’s why it’s our mission to present social justice self-help as intersectionally as possible, make clear the limits of our firsthand perspectives, and stay grounded in the truth that we’re all works in progress.

We’ve been obsessively researching and podcasting about all things gender and feminism for the better part of a decade, and despite witnessing all sorts of rapid progress, there’s been no handy guide that holistically addresses what top-to-bottom, brains-to-butt-hair, inclusive feminist living can look like regardless of who you are. Unladylike is the hell-raising how-to y’all deserve—the one we wish we’d had while learning to crawl as baby feminists years ago, fresh out of college and sideswiped by professional sexism. We’ve packed it with judgment-free, age-unrestricted, gender-creative perspectives and pro-tips for adventurous, compassionate, and inclusive womaning and non-binary-ing. Let’s go.